I am personally giving a lot of thought to living a retired lifestyle in the sunshine of AZ, moving from my home state, (which sadly will be away from my family and friends) to start a new chapter in my life with my husband without work tying us to a schedule.   Knowing my own self, I will not stop working, as my work brings me joy and fills a part of me that no one or anything else can fill. Though I do foresee much more playtime than work time.

Every one of us is in some sort of transition and/or is feeling stagnant or stuck. I think especially with COVID, feeling stagnant and stuck can often run the show, especially for the extroverts and for those of us who crave contact with our friends and family.  It will be a long winter, especially for those of us in colder climates who don’t have more of the freedom to meet friends and family outdoors.

How are you planning to cope with the oncoming winter with the virus still running so much of our social and business lives?  What strategies will you put in place to create, to inspire and to guide you? Depression and anxiety are running rampant in the world, as we are all getting more fatigued with the lifestyle change from the pandemic. How will you support yourself and others?

Waking Wise is living consciously and deliberately, with intentions and goals which can help define your journey and result in more joy and satisfaction. Use your creative self during this time. Want to learn a new language? Want to take some classes? Join groups on zoom? Start a group? This is a great time to grow by adding some new interests. I have personally taken on cooking, as I am not much of a cook, so I have been having some fun learning new recipes and trying them out on my family (I know, poor them)!

I am also offering a master class for women who want to stay in touch with their own feelings and thoughts and who want to grow during this winter season. Who want to PLAN to grow, to make it a part of their intention for the months ahead. If interested here is the link to check this out, love to have you!: https://mailchi.mp/gailmanahan/high-functioning-woman

Life is always changing, nothing is permanent. Within your own evolution, learning to listen to the deepest parts of yourself and re-choosing who you currently are, what you are interested in now and what new possibilities would you want to explore?  All of this means taking a risk and stretching outside of what is comfortable. However, that is where learning and growth reside. How will you create joy, passion and excitement during these fall and winter seasons?

Love to hear from you!

Kindly,

Gail

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When one person in the relationship shifts to another dream or plan, or the couple is under unusual stress and there are fights and struggles to gain ground or to stay closely connected on top of conflict and disappointment the relationship can unravel. As can the dream. the living happily ever after.

As a parent, you know that you love your kids more than your self. You would rather be the one in pain than watch them go through their pain, tears, fear of the future, fear that they will never find love again. If your child has gone through a divorce which also negatively impacts their children, your pain multiplies. As parents, we grieve all the pain our children go through, from a friend being mean to them in their elementary years to their pain as adults facing life’s uncertainties and subsequent hardships and pain.

There is no way out of this for parents. It is a life long journey of celebration for our children’s successes, new beginnings, accomplishments, and who they are as people. And, the flip side is the hurt and pain when our children are hurting and navigating the rough spots, the losses, and the heartbreaks.

If you are a parent you know this journey very well. You feel it in every inch of your mind, body and soul. I know that I am feeling this as I write to you. My daughter is hurting deeply and I hurt deeply for her. My pain is not as intense as hers. my pain is not first hand, suffering myself from the breakup. It is her pain, her facing the downs in life that is currently her reality. However, it is a shared pain, it is like when a glass spills and the liquid touches many surfaces as it spreads.  .And because of our deep love for our kids, we will be part of the cleanup.  We will do everything in our power to be sure their cup is filled again as our children set out again to fulfill their dreams of happily ever after.

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I have had the honor and privilege of being a part of thousands of personal conversations from my profession as a counselor and from my friends and family. The stories my clients have shared with me regarding the painful challenges in their lives not only often results in tears and sadness as I empathize with their situations, it, also, results in my witnessing the courageous manner in which so many of them cope with their grief and hard times. We are all experiencing our own grief at this time with the pandemic.  We all know that some are much more impacted due to the death of their loved ones, their own struggle with surviving the virus, the loss of income, food insecurity, the piling of bills and debt and the collective concern and downright fear of what the future holds.

While we all have the content of our lives, of our situations, the content stays mostly the same. We have our people, our homes, our material possessions, our pets, our devices, our social media, etc. This is all a part of our content. Often, the weight of our circumstances, the content of our lives is so heavy we can barely breathe. Some content is light and can be dismissed as a first world problem or shallow and frivolous. We typically wake up in our same bed day after day. and live our lives with our routines and norms. Content can change, of course, but it is often static.

However, our power lies in the context. How we hold the content. The frame we put on our content. Now more than ever, with the COVID, focusing on the frame is where we will lift ourselves up, find that silver lining, create a more positive and meaningful point of view.

I am so impressed with my friends, family, and clients who have done just that. Instead, of blaming, being resentful, wallowing in self-pity or becoming frozen with fear and anxiety, they frame this time in their life in a meaningful way. Some see it as an opportunity to re-organize the way they do business, some find that mother nature is in charge and this is actually good for our planet, some count their blessings that they or their loved ones are not sick, some are committed to their civic duty of doing all they can do to keep others safe and some, especially the introverts, love the excuse to stay home even more! You, as well, are having conversations about the virus and its impact with your friends, family, and others and comments on your social media. There is a stark difference between those who put a positive frame on this challenging event happening in all of our lives, and those who blame it on the government, politics, the conspiracy theories,  other countries, the unfairness of it all, etc. etc.

And, all of this is no different than what I have witnessed, with the many conversations with so many people in pain having nothing to do with the virus.  Those who frame their circumstantial grief with a positive meaningful frame and those who see themselves only as victims, that life singled them out to deliberately destroy them, the why is this happening to me victim thinking? I know four of the kindest, brightest, hard-working, compassionate women right now who are my friends, all dealing daily with surviving cancer. Every one of these women, speaks from a positive hopeful place. Do they have their moments of fear, the why me? who shed a lot of tears and deal with fear and anxiety?? Yes, of course. But, they know they have the power of their own minds to frame their situation in a way they can find peace and love and acceptance for what is so in their lives.

It isn’t that we don’t all go into a victim mindset when we are dealing with bad news. We all go there to some extent at times.  But, all of us, every one of us has the freedom and the choice to see it differently, to re-frame the content where we feel more resolved, more empowered and more loving towards ourselves and other people and to find acceptance with the reality of our life. Not the dream of how we want it to be. But, how it is.

How are you coping? I would love to hear from you!

Gail

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Remember SHORT TERM PAIN=LONG TERM GAIN. This is not fun by any means;  staying home, not socializing and not being fully back in our lives. But, listening to the medical personnel PLEADING with us all to stay home, this is short term pain for all of us. However, they know more than anyone what is actually happening, the sick, the dying, those who make it. So, yes, this is not fun and it is restricting, especially income wise for those who have lost their income,  But, staying home will result in long term gain for all of us, or for all who are fortunate enough to live through this pandemic.

Hang in there, this too shall pass, it really really will.

If I can help you out, let me know!

Gail

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And, of course, there are, always people who are much much worse off than any of us.  I am personally fortunate during this time that our household income has not dropped, but several of my friends have lost their businesses and jobs within a few days and their incomes. Some of my other friends already have a serious llfe and death illness they were struggling with before all of us were looking a life or death illness in the eye. People living in poverty all over the world have few or no medical resources available every day of their lives or adequate shelter or access to food. Many families are living in active war zones. Ok, ok you get the picture… we have all lived pretty good lives here in the US, even with this virus we have so much to be grateful for no matter our life circumstances.

If you wake up feeling frustrated about all the new restrictions, step back and see a bigger picture, there are so many people all over the world who are suffering so much more than you. That may not give you comfort,  the scope of suffering in the world. But, it should at least give you the perspective that things can always be worse and that you have lots to be grateful for as there are many great things going on in your own life even with this pandemic changing all of our lives.

It is an especially good time to be more empathetic and sympathetic for the plight of those less fortunate. And, pro-active when it comes to helping each other out when we can. This is not a time to dwell on the fact you can’t get your Starbucks fix, take your kids to the park or hang out with your friends and family. This too shall pass. It really really will.

Look to re-frame your situation/issue/problem to find a way to cope and to have some relief. You always have this choice available.

To your health and happiness,

Gail

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While  the virus is changing everyone’s lives my re-frame for today is “It’s a great day to be alive if you or anyone you care about is virus free!’

When my cousin died at the age of 17, his mom said “If money can fix it, it’s not a problem.” This has stuck with me when I am most stressed. Think about this, what can money fix? And, what can’t it fix? This was one of the best re-frames I had heard, and it applies to our lives now. Losing income, our way of life can all be fixed once the virus has passed and life goes back to normal. But, losing people we love, that is something money can not fix. And, that indeed is a problem.

We can keep ourselves safe, we do have the ability to stay home and use good hygiene. And, if your work is an essential service or you are a medical worker your risks go up so good hygiene is what you can do to lower your risk.  For me today even though being home is getting a bit tedious, “It’s a great day to be alive because I am virus free as are my loved ones at this moment.” I hope this is your situation, also.

Love to hear your re-frames!

Gail

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Changing our “state” helps shake off what we might be worried about. You can change your state by simply calling or texting a friend, watching an inspirational Youtube video, or reading a book, listening to music or a podcast Basically, re-directing your body and your mind away from what it is fixated on.

A walk is one of the most nourishing and simple activities you can engage in to reduce stress and change your state of mind. Being out and about (especially if the sun is out) reminds you of the beauty in the world, of seeing and hearing children play,  the variety of dogs and owners you pass by,  the friends in conversation as they walk past you, different storefronts, the beauty of the blue skies and the green grass and spring flowers beginning to bloom. And, being out in the fresh air is refreshing and your body loves to walk, it is so good for your blood circulation and getting oxygen to your body and mind. It really is a natural high.

If your life is so busy that walking is out of the question, see if you can squeeze it in before work, at lunch or after work, (especially with daylight savings time).  The return in value will be worth it!

Taking a walk helps you change your state, nudging you to remember all of the positives in life and relieves you from tunnel vision which can easily hijack your entire Being, especially in times with this amount of stress.  It always works for me, and I suspect it will work for you, too.

To Your Health and Well-Being,

Gail

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Loneliness can be deadly: this according to former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, among others, who has stressed the significant health threat. Loneliness has been estimated to shorten a person’s life by 15 years, equivalent in impact to being obese or smoking 15 cigarettes per day. A recent study revealed a surprising association between loneliness and cancer mortality risk, pointing to the role loneliness plays in cancer’s course, including responsiveness to treatments. (Scientific American By Claire Pomeroy on March 20, 2019).

How do we overcome our loneliness? All of us can experience feeling lonely at times in our lives. If we move away from friends or family, or if they move away from us, if we are in a new job, new school, going through a relationship break up, being ill, or losing someone we love for example. These are all times in our lives we can feel detached and lonely. These situations usually will pass in time, but feelling lonely when your life appears to be a good one results in a chronic disconnection that is harmful to our mental and physical health,  not to mention our spirit.

The good news is you can take action in order to ward off chronic loneliness, there are 3 paths to connection and building close relationships.

1.  Begin the “dating” process: Take notice of people you work with or live by, or any group situation you frequent; gyms, churches, yoga classes, any classes you may be taking, etc. If you see someone who seems like someone interesting to you, or friendly, reach out and start a conversation. Do not wait for anyone to reach out to you.  After you get past some friendly hellos and light conversations, invite them for coffee, or invite two or three people. Sometimes meeting new people in twos or more is less intimate and more comfortable at first. It spreads the conversation around. If you enjoyed your conversation, follow up with contact info and ask them “out” again. Don’t rush it, do pace yourself, but you do the inviting. DO NOT WAIT TO BE INVITED, people don’t seem to be big inviters these days, but they do seem to say yes to an invitation. So “date” your new acquaintance,  the more you meet with them. the more comfortable it gets.
2. Volunteer or join many groups. If you volunteer where there are less fortunate people such as food banks, hospitals, non-profits or charities you will feel better as you are doing good for others and at the same time meeting other volunteers. Already you are sharing common interests. Schools in your community are great places to volunteer-helping kids read, write, supervising playgrounds, being a mentor. There are community groups who need you with a lot of opportunities to be of service such as your Rotary, Lions and Kiwanis clubs. There may be Boys and Girls Clubs looking for volunteers and other youth programs. You will feel lonely if you stay home- that is a 100% predictable result of isolating. So, set a goal, maybe a few baby steps but at least begin connecting outside of your home.
3. Moms who do not work outside of the home are often lonely. There are lots of mom groups to join, and sometimes Facebook or Meet Up has local groups who are available with a few key search words.  If you are at the other end of the spectrum and are retired, consider getting a part-time job where you would enjoy meeting people. This is, of course, an option if you do not want to volunteer or join clubs.

HOWEVER, the best thing you can do no matter what your circumstance is to be the inviter! Stop waiting for anyone to reach out to you. You must be that person who reaches out. Pace your self, no need to feel desperate or needy, just a simple invite to meet someone to coffee or even lunch or to take a walk. It can be awkward at first, you are going to feel uncomfortable (part of taking risks is the “groan zone’) but moving through the discomfort leads to connection and connecting leads to friendships.

I would love to hear any suggestions you have to move out of loneliness and to get connected. There are 7.53  billion people on the planet, I am sure you can find some new friends where ever you live.   We have more in common than not, it just takes some time and effort to find out.

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Life is the thing you bring with you inside your own head (author Sally Rooney, Normal People).

Think about it, we are the ones who bring meaning to our lives. There is no meaning outside of our own minds and hearts. Everything we experience is from our insides-it is not out there. For example: you hear ambulance and fire truck sirens close to your home, Your daughter just left your home and you are anxious that maybe she was involved in an accident. You start to get more worried even when you attempt to calm yourself down with some rational thoughts; she is probably fine, don’t worry. But, you are still anxious enough to call her to see if she is okay. And, thankfully, she is and those sirens had nothing to do with her.

At this point, your thoughts are relieved and you continue on to whatever it was you were doing. A car accident is a neutral event;  simply two large heavy machines colliding into the same space, resulting in a car wreck. What does bring meaning to this collision is YOU. If it was your car and you were in the accident, you may be dealing with injuries, insurance companies, the police, perhaps, even deaths. If this collision involves anyone you care about it can result in emotional turmoil, loss and grief. This is no longer just two machines occupying the same space. This is your life!

We bring meaning to our life, we are the ones who have an emotional attachment and response to those we love, to our homes, our work, our planet, every aspect of our lives. But to others who have no idea who we are, we are a neutral event-neither here nor there, not even really existing. We create all the meaning, interpretations, our beliefs and values, our preferences, our opinions ALL OF IT. There is no inherent value in the world out there, only how we experience it.

This means you have the power to choose! Your self talk, your reaction, how you hold your life’s circumstances. You are constantly talking to your self inside your mind, you can redirect your self-talk, you can soothe yourself, you can put a new frame on any of the content in your life. Build that muscle, it takes practice.

Always on your team,

Gail

If you want personal coaching check me out on the Psychology Today at the 98065 Zip code Click:  Psychology Today Website

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