Jun 16, 2020
I received the book Untamed, by Glennon Doyle in the mail and I have no idea who sent me this beautiful gift. (If you did please let me know so I can say THANK YOU, this is such a beautiful book). Every page is yummy! I wanted to share this brilliant nugget with you below as this is something I teach and believe strongly in when working with women.
I’ve seen what happens out in the world and inside our relationships when women stay numb, obedient, quiet and small. Selfless women make for an efficient society but not a beautiful, true or just one. When women lose themselves, this world loses its way. We do not need more selfless women. What we need right now is more women who have detoxed themselves so completely from the world’s expectations that they are full of nothing but themselves. What we need are women who are full of themselves. A woman who is full of herself knows and trusts herself enough to say and do what must be done. She lets the rest burn. (Glennon Doyle, Untamed)
Where did all your beliefs about who you are, what you can achieve and the roles you are supposed to play in life come from? EVERYWHERE! Your parents, childhood, advertising, friends, co-workers, social media to name a few. When you show up every day expressing who you are, what matters to you, what brings you joy, you are then living a life of integrity and contribution. And, creating that space in your life immediately creates space for others to do the same. It’s a win-win.
Stay tuned for my newest class: High Functioning Relationships: the Five Absolutely Essential Steps to Even More Connection, Fun and Happiness! 5 one hour classes via zoom beginning July 7th. (email me at [email protected] for more info and to enroll)!
May 28, 2020
When the shelter in place order began, I felt called to offer an online support group for women as it was something, I could contribute during this scary time for so many of us. And now 9 weeks later I have “paused” the group as my summer schedule is changing and it was time. Here is what I learned:
Once again women show up when it comes to sharing what is truly going on with them. Trust was built in this group within the first meeting. When the women signed up for the group, they had no idea who would be in the group. They risked their comfort zone, and when they risked going outside of their comfort zone, they stepped into the area of learning. And, what these women learned was that kindred spirits were present, that every one of the women contributed their own strength, wisdom, vulnerability and courage to the group.
I love working with women of all ages and journeys. I learn from every one of them every time. My own heart and spirit fill up as they so beautifully share the truth about their lives. Some of these women live alone having lost their spouses, some are fully engaged in raising children, some are teachers not only teaching online at home but raising their own kids. Some struggle with heartache from conflict with their children, some are struggling with ill health, all are missing their previous lifestyles before the virus and wondering about the future. And, of course, there are the usual more frivolous conversations such as the need for hair appointments, mani-pedis and the increased consumption of food and alcohol. These women, from across the age groups, with similar and very different life journeys all show up, contribute and strengthen each other.
There wasn’t one person in that group who shared something I could not relate to. Every person, everything they shared was relatable and valuable. And, yet every one of those women questioned if what they said was rambling, or took up too much time, or wasn’t the right thing to share, or maybe they could have shared it better. Women and low self-esteem. Women who doubt their wisdom and their value. It is an epidemic. I experience these women so differently than how they see themselves. I see their beauty, their generous hearts, their vast competence and their tremendous strength.
Isn’t it time you gave up your self-doubt, your clinging to an image of yourself as not good enough, or less than, or that somehow you are never going to get this right? Isn’t it time that you realize that being who you are right now is enough and just by being here now, you positively impact your friends and family and contribute to what is good in the world? Consider not wasting another precious moment of your life doubting your value. Instead, reach out today and see how you can empower those around you to see the beauty and goodness in themselves. It is a win-win.
If you are interested in being a part of the next groups (limited 7 per group) please email me at [email protected]
May 18, 2020
I have had the honor and privilege of being a part of thousands of personal conversations from my profession as a counselor and from my friends and family. The stories my clients have shared with me regarding the painful challenges in their lives not only often results in tears and sadness as I empathize with their situations, it, also, results in my witnessing the courageous manner in which so many of them cope with their grief and hard times. We are all experiencing our own grief at this time with the pandemic. We all know that some are much more impacted due to the death of their loved ones, their own struggle with surviving the virus, the loss of income, food insecurity, the piling of bills and debt and the collective concern and downright fear of what the future holds.
While we all have the content of our lives, of our situations, the content stays mostly the same. We have our people, our homes, our material possessions, our pets, our devices, our social media, etc. This is all a part of our content. Often, the weight of our circumstances, the content of our lives is so heavy we can barely breathe. Some content is light and can be dismissed as a first world problem or shallow and frivolous. We typically wake up in our same bed day after day. and live our lives with our routines and norms. Content can change, of course, but it is often static.
However, our power lies in the context. How we hold the content. The frame we put on our content. Now more than ever, with the COVID, focusing on the frame is where we will lift ourselves up, find that silver lining, create a more positive and meaningful point of view.
I am so impressed with my friends, family, and clients who have done just that. Instead, of blaming, being resentful, wallowing in self-pity or becoming frozen with fear and anxiety, they frame this time in their life in a meaningful way. Some see it as an opportunity to re-organize the way they do business, some find that mother nature is in charge and this is actually good for our planet, some count their blessings that they or their loved ones are not sick, some are committed to their civic duty of doing all they can do to keep others safe and some, especially the introverts, love the excuse to stay home even more! You, as well, are having conversations about the virus and its impact with your friends, family, and others and comments on your social media. There is a stark difference between those who put a positive frame on this challenging event happening in all of our lives, and those who blame it on the government, politics, the conspiracy theories, other countries, the unfairness of it all, etc. etc.
And, all of this is no different than what I have witnessed, with the many conversations with so many people in pain having nothing to do with the virus. Those who frame their circumstantial grief with a positive meaningful frame and those who see themselves only as victims, that life singled them out to deliberately destroy them, the why is this happening to me victim thinking? I know four of the kindest, brightest, hard-working, compassionate women right now who are my friends, all dealing daily with surviving cancer. Every one of these women, speaks from a positive hopeful place. Do they have their moments of fear, the why me? who shed a lot of tears and deal with fear and anxiety?? Yes, of course. But, they know they have the power of their own minds to frame their situation in a way they can find peace and love and acceptance for what is so in their lives.
It isn’t that we don’t all go into a victim mindset when we are dealing with bad news. We all go there to some extent at times. But, all of us, every one of us has the freedom and the choice to see it differently, to re-frame the content where we feel more resolved, more empowered and more loving towards ourselves and other people and to find acceptance with the reality of our life. Not the dream of how we want it to be. But, how it is.
How are you coping? I would love to hear from you!
Gail
Apr 9, 2020
You can copy these questions and put on your mirror or within your sight during the day- this is a great checklist for coping!
Remember SHORT TERM PAIN=LONG TERM GAIN. This is not fun by any means; staying home, not socializing and not being fully back in our lives. But, listening to the medical personnel PLEADING with us all to stay home, this is short term pain for all of us. However, they know more than anyone what is actually happening, the sick, the dying, those who make it. So, yes, this is not fun and it is restricting, especially income wise for those who have lost their income, But, staying home will result in long term gain for all of us, or for all who are fortunate enough to live through this pandemic.
Hang in there, this too shall pass, it really really will.
If I can help you out, let me know!
Gail
