Practice 2: When you find yourself wondering why is this happening to me?remind yourself that 95% of your circumstances in life started with your choices! Don’t like your relationship? Wasn’t it you who wanted to be with this person? Don’t like your teen’s attitude? Wasn’t it you who chose to have kids? (No, I did not, I accidentally got pregnant!, Wait, did you choose to have sex)? As Dr. Phil says, when you choose the behavior you choose all the possible consequences!
We can trace back almost every current circumstance in our life to a choice we made. (Well, I didn’t choose to get cancer!) Of course, you did not! This goes into the other 5%, now your choice is how you will treat your cancer, how you will support yourself, your attitude, how you will navigate this difficult situation. When we are truly victimized (not my nail broke, or Starbucks screwed up my order, or there is too much traffic, victim mentality), when hurtful things completely out of our control, happen to us such as being a victim of a crime, losing someone we love, a car accident, a scary diagnosis, we still have the free will to choose how we will respond, and heal and continue on.
Taking accountability for how our choices got us to the here and now, reminds us we are in the driver’s seat of our lives, which now results in new choices as we can continue to steer our own path in the direction we want. Practice owning your choices and the results with an accountability, not victim mentality. Learn to say, “I did this to me.” Now what?
The keyword is practice! We all wake up every day with a mood, an attitude, either positive or negative self-talk or somewhere in between. Every morning is a new start to your day and no matter what is going on in your life, if you practice, or intend, or want to, or begin… to put these 5 things into place, I promise you, you will feel better, more satisfied and increase your happiness and satisfaction with your life.
Let’s start with the most important one, and the one you might dislike hearing the most:
The only person you can change is you! You have 100% direct influence on how you behave, how you fill yourself with positive support such as spiritual or uplifting books, podcasts, blogs, Youtubes, Ted Talks, short stories, and how you view the world. You are the circle of influence, the one person you can count on to change for the better. I know it would be so much easier if you could just change everyone else, and, I am sure you work on that a little bit every day. However, as you are well aware of, no one wants your good advice, your smart observations or correcting someone else’s behaviors, unless, of course, you are asked directly to do so. So today, put your energy into your own well being, self-improvement, self-acceptance and love yourself up a bit just to be sure you get some love at the start of your day. (And, if you don’t know how to do that…here is how: give yourself 3 compliments, write down 3 things you are grateful for and choose super healthy food to start your day, and put some time in your morning for a walk, yoga treadmill or the gym.
Research shows that practice makes permanent-permanent pathways through our brains, making that “highway” easier for you to travel every day. And, habits your no longer practice start to fade since you are no longer traveling that road. Start today with practicing this #1 Life Essential. #2 is on its way.
Join me and other women who love to grow, and who value honest, open and insightful conversations regarding our lives. Where are you now, where do you want to go from here and how are you currently navigating? Learn new concepts to apply to your life and gain clarity on who you aspire to be, to keep growing and to take a look at what is next for you in your life.
April 4th and 5th in Surprise, AZ Bask in some warmth and sun!
Stay tuned for more details. Email me at [email protected] if interested!
Holidays are a time of connection with family and friends at a more accelerated rate than our normal pace. We connect at the Thanksgiving Dinner table, at holiday office parties, with cards and gifts. with that extra phone call to friends or family at a distance. This connecting can be good for the soul as well as stressful as some of our relationships are complicated or even painful. The holidays, much like weddings and funerals, can put us into contact with people we typically don’t hang with or even go out of our way to avoid. All of this adds up to more emotional uptime, more situations to cope with and that leads to stress. (And, that extra connection to our wallets can also create added stress on top of everything else).
The worst part of the holidays is for those of us who have lost the people we love the most. Grieving the loss of our closest family members and friends during this season can be excruciatingly painful. Being alone without them to share in the hustle and bustle, the decorating, their presence at parties and at the traditions once shared, is a deep soul pain. An ache that finds its home in the heart while the media pushes and promotes only the joy of the season. All of us will face this grief during the Holidays at some point in our lives. Many of you are already coping with the loss of those you deeply love and miss. This can be the most difficult time of the year for so many. This is normal, and this too shall pass, though it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
No one knows what our lives will be like next year at this time. So much can change in a year. All we have is the present, this moment, this season. Even with grief and loss, there can be the silver lining, the taking stock of the blessings we do have in our lives, our family and friends who support us and encourage us when life shows us its ugly side. There is always something to cling to when grief is overwhelming. All of us will have stress and suffering, and the holidays intensify our grief. Reach out for support as needed, let people know you are hurting and need some extra attention. This is not a time to isolate, it is a time to reach out and ask for connection, your friends and family will respond as it is in our nature to want to help each other. Don’t make the mistake of thinking your friends and family should be initiating contact with you. You know that this time of year is busy for all, so they may not have you on the top of their minds. Instead, reach out to them and ask for their time, to be included, to have some extra support. There is courage in being vulnerable and asking for some extra care and love. And, you provide your family and friends with the opportunity to care for you, to open their hearts to help you out. This connection, this give and take with those we love is what heals and sustains us through the ups and downs of our lives. It is the most important part of our lives. As humans, nothing matters more than our attachment and connection to others.
I am grateful for you and the connection we share. I wish you the strength to reach out and be connected to those you love during this hyper-accelerated time of year.
The Dalai Lama shared: In the West, you have education. This is good. You have technology. This is good. But you do not educate your people in values of the heart, of compassion. This you must do,” the Dalai Lama said. “It does not matter whether you are Buddhist or Christian. Compassion lives in the heart, beyond religion. Even me, a Buddhist, can say that you do not need Buddhism. All you need is the compassion of the heart. Women know this because peace is implicit in women. You put boys together, they make war. You put women together, they make peace. Women are the leaders of the future.
From the Lion’s Roar: The Dalai Lama: Women are the Leaders of the Future BY DANIELLE LAPORTE|
“Of course, the world is not divided into two types of women: those who grow and those who don’t. All of us fit into both groups almost every day of our lives. Some of the time, we are good copers and resilient human beings, in other moments, we are reactive and pessimistic. Pain, sorrow and anger will always be with us. But, with will, intentionality, and the right set of skills, we can be happier over the long haul.” (Women Rowing North, Mary Pipher, page 2 Kindle). All of us can expand our self-awareness at any age, and at any time. Having a curious and open mindset and seeking conversations about ourselves with counselors, our more enlightened friends, reading self-growth books, googling pertinent articles on the areas in our lives we wish to improve. There simply is no shortage of help available once you commit to growing, healing and becoming more self-aware. I am here for you, also.
Practice 2: When you find yourself wondering why is this happening to me? remind yourself that 95% of your circumstances in life started with your choices! Don’t like your relationship? Wasn’t it you who wanted to be with this person? Don’t like your teen’s attitude? Wasn’t it you who chose to have kids? (No, I did not, I accidentally got pregnant!, Wait, did you choose to have sex)? As Dr. Phil says, when you choose the behavior you choose all the possible consequences! 
Holidays are a time of connection with family and friends at a more accelerated rate than our normal pace. We connect at the Thanksgiving Dinner table, at holiday office parties, with cards and gifts. with that extra phone call to friends or family at a distance. This connecting can be good for the soul as well as stressful as some of our relationships are complicated or even painful. The holidays, much like weddings and funerals, can put us into contact with people we typically don’t hang with or even go out of our way to avoid. All of this adds up to more emotional uptime, more situations to cope with and that leads to stress. (And, that extra connection to our wallets can also create added stress on top of everything else).
