![Criticism or Support?]()
Feb 9, 2020
When we are closed to ideas, what we hear is criticism. When we are open to criticism, what we get is advice. (Together is Better by Simon Sinek).
Do you value advice? Or do you only feel criticized when someone who cares about you gives you advice, keeping in mind their intention is often to support you? I know I have been closed-minded and resistant to unsolicited advice. And, I also know that the advice, whether wanted or not, got me thinking and I either realize that the advice was spot on (even though I didn’t like it) or it did not fit for me and I categorized it as not true for me. Therefore I stay my chosen course. Or, the advice rummages around in me and I take it and begin to make some changes.
Many times when a friend, family, partner, or co-worker gives you their opinion or advice, it can be about changing you into who they want you to be, to satisfy them, but it doesn’t fit for you. Being an open learner means listening to advice (unwanted or not) and then thoughtfully considering if this advice really is in your best interests (not theirs).
Many cultures (not typically white Western US peeps) respect and value parents’ and grandparents’ guidance and advice and even who their parents choose for them to marry. This is something most Westerners reject as they strive for independence and search for autonomy, distancing themselves from their parents. However, many non-Western friends I have, often value and respect their parents’ advice while raising children, in their marriages, financial life, and health and well being.
Is it possible that those with more life experiences, longer lives and having lived through many decades may, in fact, have valuable advice to give? Many cultures think so! Is it possible that friends or co-workers who have gotten married, had babies, struggled with health problems, been through divorces, addiction or financial struggles may, in fact, have some good advice to share?
Maybe those who care about us the most, who have our best interests in mind: our family and friends and many of our co-workers have in fact some good advice that will improve our lives and help us on your own path. Maybe if we didn’t meet their advice with a shield to defend ourselves, but instead remained open to feedback (solicited or unsolicited) we could indeed learn something of value.
Again When we are closed to ideas, what we hear is criticism. When we are open to criticism, what we get is advice. (Together is Better by Simon Sinek).
Are you open?
![Criticism or Support?]()
Jan 29, 2020
Practice 4: UNPLUG! Store those devices away from you, turn the TV or radio off. Listen to the quiet, listen for birds, dogs barking, cars going by, people talking. Take a good look at your surroundings and appreciate all that you can as you take in your environment. Let your senses have a break from texting, social media, the news, your favorite show. Just unplug even if it’s 15 or 20 minutes a day (the longer the better!).
My Buddhist friend attended a 10-day silent retreat. Now get this, she did not talk to anyone, including a roommate she was with, no phone, no computer, no electronics at all. AND, no books, no reading, no writing. Simply BEING. There was group meditating, breathing, sleeping, breathing, being present, breathing, being in the moment. She reported it was the most miraculous experience! Her dreams were more vivid, her mind settled and calm, she felt transformed and filled with love.
Unplug every day for at least 20 minutes if not more and see how your life is when you focus somewhere other than your devices. The people in your life you spend time with, your spouse and kids and friends will also love this!
Jan 27, 2020
Practice 3: Do at least 1-2 things for someone else today they did not expect. I am not talking about the laundry you do, the meals you plan, the job you do at work. I am talking about unexpected acts of kindness, that are a surprise. If you practice 1-2 acts of kindness every day, you will get back more return on your kindness than you gave. Compliment someone! Pay for their Starbucks in the drive-through, send a card to a friend letting them know how much you value them, leave a lipstick message on your bathroom mirror for your love or on your kid’s bathroom mirror. Treat a friend or co-worker to coffee, lunch or dinner. Send someone a gift online, run an errand for someone, volunteer for something.
One of my friends, went to her friend’s home to vacuum for her (they are very good friends and have keys to each other’s homes). My friend was so excited to sneak in and vacuum for her friend, knowing her friend was getting house guests and was short on time. While my friend was vacuuming away she was having so many fun thoughts about how surprised and grateful her friend would be. After her friend, returned home she waited for her response. Nothing. One hour later nothing. Two hours later, nothing. Finally, my friend texted her and said, “I vacuumed for you, I wanted to surprise you!” And, her friend said,’Oh my gosh, I got home late, didn’t turn on any lights and went to bed, I am so sorry I didn’t notice!” While disappointed, my friend said, “I had so much fun planning this and doing this to surprise her, it was really all the reward I needed, it was so much fun and got me out of my funk!”
Try it! Practice it and the sheer joy of “surprise giving, ” will make your day as well as the person who gets to receive your kindness!
![Criticism or Support?]()
Jan 24, 2020
Practice 2: When you find yourself wondering why is this happening to me? remind yourself that 95% of your circumstances in life started with your choices! Don’t like your relationship? Wasn’t it you who wanted to be with this person? Don’t like your teen’s attitude? Wasn’t it you who chose to have kids? (No, I did not, I accidentally got pregnant!, Wait, did you choose to have sex)? As Dr. Phil says, when you choose the behavior you choose all the possible consequences!
We can trace back almost every current circumstance in our life to a choice we made. (Well, I didn’t choose to get cancer!) Of course, you did not! This goes into the other 5%, now your choice is how you will treat your cancer, how you will support yourself, your attitude, how you will navigate this difficult situation. When we are truly victimized (not my nail broke, or Starbucks screwed up my order, or there is too much traffic, victim mentality), when hurtful things completely out of our control, happen to us such as being a victim of a crime, losing someone we love, a car accident, a scary diagnosis, we still have the free will to choose how we will respond, and heal and continue on.
Taking accountability for how our choices got us to the here and now, reminds us we are in the driver’s seat of our lives, which now results in new choices as we can continue to steer our own path in the direction we want. Practice owning your choices and the results with an accountability, not victim mentality. Learn to say, “I did this to me.” Now what?
Essential Practice #3 on its way.
![Criticism or Support?]()
Jan 21, 2020
LIFE ESSENTIAL #1: Practice Makes Permanent
The keyword is practice! We all wake up every day with a mood, an attitude, either positive or negative self-talk or somewhere in between. Every morning is a new start to your day and no matter what is going on in your life, if you practice, or intend, or want to, or begin… to put these 5 things into place, I promise you, you will feel better, more satisfied and increase your happiness and satisfaction with your life.
Let’s start with the most important one, and the one you might dislike hearing the most:
The only person you can change is you! You have 100% direct influence on how you behave, how you fill yourself with positive support such as spiritual or uplifting books, podcasts, blogs, Youtubes, Ted Talks, short stories, and how you view the world. You are the circle of influence, the one person you can count on to change for the better. I know it would be so much easier if you could just change everyone else, and, I am sure you work on that a little bit every day. However, as you are well aware of, no one wants your good advice, your smart observations or correcting someone else’s behaviors, unless, of course, you are asked directly to do so. So today, put your energy into your own well being, self-improvement, self-acceptance and love yourself up a bit just to be sure you get some love at the start of your day. (And, if you don’t know how to do that…here is how: give yourself 3 compliments, write down 3 things you are grateful for and choose super healthy food to start your day, and put some time in your morning for a walk, yoga treadmill or the gym.
Research shows that practice makes permanent-permanent pathways through our brains, making that “highway” easier for you to travel every day. And, habits your no longer practice start to fade since you are no longer traveling that road. Start today with practicing this #1 Life Essential. #2 is on its way.
![Criticism or Support?]()
Dec 14, 2019
Join me and other women who love to grow, and who value honest, open and insightful conversations regarding our lives. Where are you now, where do you want to go from here and how are you currently navigating? Learn new concepts to apply to your life and gain clarity on who you aspire to be, to keep growing and to take a look at what is next for you in your life.
April 4th and 5th in Surprise, AZ Bask in some warmth and sun!
Stay tuned for more details. Email me at [email protected] if interested!
