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Jan 24, 2020
Practice 2: When you find yourself wondering why is this happening to me? remind yourself that 95% of your circumstances in life started with your choices! Don’t like your relationship? Wasn’t it you who wanted to be with this person? Don’t like your teen’s attitude? Wasn’t it you who chose to have kids? (No, I did not, I accidentally got pregnant!, Wait, did you choose to have sex)? As Dr. Phil says, when you choose the behavior you choose all the possible consequences!
We can trace back almost every current circumstance in our life to a choice we made. (Well, I didn’t choose to get cancer!) Of course, you did not! This goes into the other 5%, now your choice is how you will treat your cancer, how you will support yourself, your attitude, how you will navigate this difficult situation. When we are truly victimized (not my nail broke, or Starbucks screwed up my order, or there is too much traffic, victim mentality), when hurtful things completely out of our control, happen to us such as being a victim of a crime, losing someone we love, a car accident, a scary diagnosis, we still have the free will to choose how we will respond, and heal and continue on.
Taking accountability for how our choices got us to the here and now, reminds us we are in the driver’s seat of our lives, which now results in new choices as we can continue to steer our own path in the direction we want. Practice owning your choices and the results with an accountability, not victim mentality. Learn to say, “I did this to me.” Now what?
Essential Practice #3 on its way.
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Jan 21, 2020
LIFE ESSENTIAL #1: Practice Makes Permanent
The keyword is practice! We all wake up every day with a mood, an attitude, either positive or negative self-talk or somewhere in between. Every morning is a new start to your day and no matter what is going on in your life, if you practice, or intend, or want to, or begin… to put these 5 things into place, I promise you, you will feel better, more satisfied and increase your happiness and satisfaction with your life.
Let’s start with the most important one, and the one you might dislike hearing the most:
The only person you can change is you! You have 100% direct influence on how you behave, how you fill yourself with positive support such as spiritual or uplifting books, podcasts, blogs, Youtubes, Ted Talks, short stories, and how you view the world. You are the circle of influence, the one person you can count on to change for the better. I know it would be so much easier if you could just change everyone else, and, I am sure you work on that a little bit every day. However, as you are well aware of, no one wants your good advice, your smart observations or correcting someone else’s behaviors, unless, of course, you are asked directly to do so. So today, put your energy into your own well being, self-improvement, self-acceptance and love yourself up a bit just to be sure you get some love at the start of your day. (And, if you don’t know how to do that…here is how: give yourself 3 compliments, write down 3 things you are grateful for and choose super healthy food to start your day, and put some time in your morning for a walk, yoga treadmill or the gym.
Research shows that practice makes permanent-permanent pathways through our brains, making that “highway” easier for you to travel every day. And, habits your no longer practice start to fade since you are no longer traveling that road. Start today with practicing this #1 Life Essential. #2 is on its way.
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Jan 11, 2020
Here we all are again! Alive, hopefully well, and reading this post in the New Year of 2020. New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday as I love that there are no presents to buy or big meals to prepare and it is a time of reflection about the past and projection about the future. I love making resolutions, taking time to see where I want to focus and improve my life. Of course, I may start out with good intentions and commitment but then abandon ship and go back to old habits. However, I love re-focusing and stepping up in my life to live with more personal integrity, being true to myself, taking a moral inventory and making the changes needed for a more fulfilling life.
I have been fortunate, blessed, lucky to have the life I have. Good health, a great marriage and family, so many friends and have had the means to experience a multitude of good times. The life I lead has been a combination of luck and making good choices and working hard and that I was born privileged (something I had no control over, I always find it interesting that people get all haughty that they were born white in the US as if there was something so special about them, instead of acknowledging the complete random circumstance of their birth). I recognize daily that I am one of the few on the planet having the great life I do. I am saddened by the fires in Australia, angry about what our country started with Iran which resulted in the tragic result of the civilian plane crash, I am worried about global warming and its impact on every living entity on the planet. My heart goes out to anyone struggling with cancer and poor health problems, and with the grief of losing people and pets we love. There is so much to be sad and angry about in this world. And, there is so much to be grateful for and so much beauty and love and goodness in the world. It is truly a cluster fuck of all that is bad mixed with all that is good. I don’t think human or animal life has been anything but this–joy and suffering combined.
As I look back on the good and fortunate life I have got to live for 64 years I am profoundly grateful. As, I look forward to the years ahead I realize suffering is always knocking at the door, so I open the window today to the joy, the blessings and all that is good at this moment in my life. I am well aware that everything changes, and that nothing is permanent. This moment as I write this is a joyful moment. I am savoring it.
I am grateful for you, readers, and I wish you open windows that bring love, good fortune and blessings into your life in 2020!
![5 Essential Practices for a Happier Life: #2]()
Dec 14, 2019
Join me and other women who love to grow, and who value honest, open and insightful conversations regarding our lives. Where are you now, where do you want to go from here and how are you currently navigating? Learn new concepts to apply to your life and gain clarity on who you aspire to be, to keep growing and to take a look at what is next for you in your life.
April 4th and 5th in Surprise, AZ Bask in some warmth and sun!
Stay tuned for more details. Email me at [email protected] if interested!
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Dec 1, 2019
Holidays are a time of connection with family and friends at a more accelerated rate than our normal pace. We connect at the Thanksgiving Dinner table, at holiday office parties, with cards and gifts. with that extra phone call to friends or family at a distance. This connecting can be good for the soul as well as stressful as some of our relationships are complicated or even painful. The holidays, much like weddings and funerals, can put us into contact with people we typically don’t hang with or even go out of our way to avoid. All of this adds up to more emotional uptime, more situations to cope with and that leads to stress. (And, that extra connection to our wallets can also create added stress on top of everything else).
The worst part of the holidays is for those of us who have lost the people we love the most. Grieving the loss of our closest family members and friends during this season can be excruciatingly painful. Being alone without them to share in the hustle and bustle, the decorating, their presence at parties and at the traditions once shared, is a deep soul pain. An ache that finds its home in the heart while the media pushes and promotes only the joy of the season. All of us will face this grief during the Holidays at some point in our lives. Many of you are already coping with the loss of those you deeply love and miss. This can be the most difficult time of the year for so many. This is normal, and this too shall pass, though it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
No one knows what our lives will be like next year at this time. So much can change in a year. All we have is the present, this moment, this season. Even with grief and loss, there can be the silver lining, the taking stock of the blessings we do have in our lives, our family and friends who support us and encourage us when life shows us its ugly side. There is always something to cling to when grief is overwhelming. All of us will have stress and suffering, and the holidays intensify our grief. Reach out for support as needed, let people know you are hurting and need some extra attention. This is not a time to isolate, it is a time to reach out and ask for connection, your friends and family will respond as it is in our nature to want to help each other. Don’t make the mistake of thinking your friends and family should be initiating contact with you. You know that this time of year is busy for all, so they may not have you on the top of their minds. Instead, reach out to them and ask for their time, to be included, to have some extra support. There is courage in being vulnerable and asking for some extra care and love. And, you provide your family and friends with the opportunity to care for you, to open their hearts to help you out. This connection, this give and take with those we love is what heals and sustains us through the ups and downs of our lives. It is the most important part of our lives. As humans, nothing matters more than our attachment and connection to others.
I am grateful for you and the connection we share. I wish you the strength to reach out and be connected to those you love during this hyper-accelerated time of year.
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Nov 1, 2019
Many of us are programmed from early childhood to achieve and to succeed. How many times do we ask children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Just ask any Senior in high school how many times they are asked, “What are you going to do after high school? Did you choose a career?” We are programmed to achieve and often pressured to excel to have a competitive edge over everyone else. This type of social conditioning can manifest into perfectionist thinking. Perfectionist thinking results in setting personal goals that often cannot be achieved all the time. And, what do we think of ourselves when we don’t achieve our goals? We think less of ourselves, we feel shame, maybe embarrassment and we can feel guilty. Our self-esteem can plummet and our self-talk can beat us up. For women especially, think of your relationship with the bathroom scales as a prime example of struggling to achieve perfection.
A far healthier option is to strive for progress, not perfection. Progress can be measured with a mindset that witnesses success AND falling short. Progress says to oneself; I am working on my health, I wm working on improving my career path by going to school, learning new skills, asking for a promotion. having a great work ethic, etc. Progress says; I am a work in progress, I will never reach perfection, as no one can or does. But, every day that I wake up I can progress in being a better person, spouse, parent, friend, or employee. I may end up taking a few steps back, however, I have made progress.
Another example of this is the mindset of recovery–people count the days of sobriety but then beat themselves up when they relapse. They even go so far as saying this has wiped out all those days living alcohol/drug-free. This is perfection in action. Progress is celebrating every day you were living a sober life and then acknowledging you took some steps backward from your goal of clean living. Progress is motion, learning, regrouping and getting back on the horse.
Personally, I strive to eat a meatless diet. My goal is to fight the incredible inhumane and cruel industry of raising animals for food by not using my consumer dollars for eating animal products as food. I, also, believe it is healthier for my body to focus on plants first and to avoid consuming any meat or poultry, eggs, and dairy. I have a very strong belief and commitment to that goal. And, there are times I find myself choosing meat or dairy, I choose those with my eyes wide open. I make the choice even when it goes against my primary belief system. Does this negate all the days I was meat-free? Does it make me a fraud? Maybe from a perfectionist perspective, it does. But, from a progress perspective, I am succeeding 90% of the time when i make a non-animal food choice. That is progress. That is not perfection.
Take a look at the areas in your life that you strive for perfection. Wouldn’t it serve you to instead strive for progress? To embrace and celebrate every moment your choices line up with your goals instead of focusing on the times you don’t reach the mark you set? No one is perfect, you know this, isn’t it time you change your thinking and, perhaps, even the expectations you put onto others? Love to hear how this applies to you!
