May 18, 2020
I have had the honor and privilege of being a part of thousands of personal conversations from my profession as a counselor and from my friends and family. The stories my clients have shared with me regarding the painful challenges in their lives not only often results in tears and sadness as I empathize with their situations, it, also, results in my witnessing the courageous manner in which so many of them cope with their grief and hard times. We are all experiencing our own grief at this time with the pandemic. We all know that some are much more impacted due to the death of their loved ones, their own struggle with surviving the virus, the loss of income, food insecurity, the piling of bills and debt and the collective concern and downright fear of what the future holds.
While we all have the content of our lives, of our situations, the content stays mostly the same. We have our people, our homes, our material possessions, our pets, our devices, our social media, etc. This is all a part of our content. Often, the weight of our circumstances, the content of our lives is so heavy we can barely breathe. Some content is light and can be dismissed as a first world problem or shallow and frivolous. We typically wake up in our same bed day after day. and live our lives with our routines and norms. Content can change, of course, but it is often static.
However, our power lies in the context. How we hold the content. The frame we put on our content. Now more than ever, with the COVID, focusing on the frame is where we will lift ourselves up, find that silver lining, create a more positive and meaningful point of view.
I am so impressed with my friends, family, and clients who have done just that. Instead, of blaming, being resentful, wallowing in self-pity or becoming frozen with fear and anxiety, they frame this time in their life in a meaningful way. Some see it as an opportunity to re-organize the way they do business, some find that mother nature is in charge and this is actually good for our planet, some count their blessings that they or their loved ones are not sick, some are committed to their civic duty of doing all they can do to keep others safe and some, especially the introverts, love the excuse to stay home even more! You, as well, are having conversations about the virus and its impact with your friends, family, and others and comments on your social media. There is a stark difference between those who put a positive frame on this challenging event happening in all of our lives, and those who blame it on the government, politics, the conspiracy theories, other countries, the unfairness of it all, etc. etc.
And, all of this is no different than what I have witnessed, with the many conversations with so many people in pain having nothing to do with the virus. Those who frame their circumstantial grief with a positive meaningful frame and those who see themselves only as victims, that life singled them out to deliberately destroy them, the why is this happening to me victim thinking? I know four of the kindest, brightest, hard-working, compassionate women right now who are my friends, all dealing daily with surviving cancer. Every one of these women, speaks from a positive hopeful place. Do they have their moments of fear, the why me? who shed a lot of tears and deal with fear and anxiety?? Yes, of course. But, they know they have the power of their own minds to frame their situation in a way they can find peace and love and acceptance for what is so in their lives.
It isn’t that we don’t all go into a victim mindset when we are dealing with bad news. We all go there to some extent at times. But, all of us, every one of us has the freedom and the choice to see it differently, to re-frame the content where we feel more resolved, more empowered and more loving towards ourselves and other people and to find acceptance with the reality of our life. Not the dream of how we want it to be. But, how it is.
How are you coping? I would love to hear from you!
Gail
Apr 9, 2020
You can copy these questions and put on your mirror or within your sight during the day- this is a great checklist for coping!
Remember SHORT TERM PAIN=LONG TERM GAIN. This is not fun by any means; staying home, not socializing and not being fully back in our lives. But, listening to the medical personnel PLEADING with us all to stay home, this is short term pain for all of us. However, they know more than anyone what is actually happening, the sick, the dying, those who make it. So, yes, this is not fun and it is restricting, especially income wise for those who have lost their income, But, staying home will result in long term gain for all of us, or for all who are fortunate enough to live through this pandemic.
Hang in there, this too shall pass, it really really will.
If I can help you out, let me know!
Gail
Mar 27, 2020
I love how resilient we all are when faced with a life-threatening situation. These are beautiful re-frames, and I bet you can come up with even more, or you wouldn’t be reading this blog. You are wise like that.
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Mar 25, 2020
I wake up with the thought “Oh boy, another day home, another day without seeing my family and friends and another day I hope no one I know or love gets sick.” Starting the day feeling annoyed by this virus situation only makes me feel worse. This is when I step back and widen my perspective, as I put a new frame on that content. When my mother in law was dying of a brain tumor she would cheerfully say she had been working at her church at the food bank. She said: “There are always people much worse off than me, so I do what I can to help.”
And, of course, there are, always people who are much much worse off than any of us. I am personally fortunate during this time that our household income has not dropped, but several of my friends have lost their businesses and jobs within a few days and their incomes. Some of my other friends already have a serious llfe and death illness they were struggling with before all of us were looking a life or death illness in the eye. People living in poverty all over the world have few or no medical resources available every day of their lives or adequate shelter or access to food. Many families are living in active war zones. Ok, ok you get the picture… we have all lived pretty good lives here in the US, even with this virus we have so much to be grateful for no matter our life circumstances.
If you wake up feeling frustrated about all the new restrictions, step back and see a bigger picture, there are so many people all over the world who are suffering so much more than you. That may not give you comfort, the scope of suffering in the world. But, it should at least give you the perspective that things can always be worse and that you have lots to be grateful for as there are many great things going on in your own life even with this pandemic changing all of our lives.
It is an especially good time to be more empathetic and sympathetic for the plight of those less fortunate. And, pro-active when it comes to helping each other out when we can. This is not a time to dwell on the fact you can’t get your Starbucks fix, take your kids to the park or hang out with your friends and family. This too shall pass. It really really will.
Look to re-frame your situation/issue/problem to find a way to cope and to have some relief. You always have this choice available.
To your health and happiness,
Gail
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Mar 23, 2020
The most powerful tool we have for changing our attitudes, viewpoints and for coping in a more resourceful and soothing manner, is our ability to re-frame any situation. While our content in life can be the same-we are in our same families, have our same friendship groups, our work, our homes our same hair and body, etc. You know, our content, our stuff, what we have and do. The re-frame power is in the context. How we hold our content. The frame we put on it, the vantage point we interpret our content from. That is where all of our personal power comes from.
While the virus is changing everyone’s lives my re-frame for today is “It’s a great day to be alive if you or anyone you care about is virus free!’
When my cousin died at the age of 17, his mom said “If money can fix it, it’s not a problem.” This has stuck with me when I am most stressed. Think about this, what can money fix? And, what can’t it fix? This was one of the best re-frames I had heard, and it applies to our lives now. Losing income, our way of life can all be fixed once the virus has passed and life goes back to normal. But, losing people we love, that is something money can not fix. And, that indeed is a problem.
We can keep ourselves safe, we do have the ability to stay home and use good hygiene. And, if your work is an essential service or you are a medical worker your risks go up so good hygiene is what you can do to lower your risk. For me today even though being home is getting a bit tedious, “It’s a great day to be alive because I am virus free as are my loved ones at this moment.” I hope this is your situation, also.
Love to hear your re-frames!
Gail
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Mar 14, 2020
With all the news bombarding us lately with the virus and all the resulting changes and closures because of it, and politics, the economy, and the fear it can all create, sometimes a walk really is the best medicine.
Changing our “state” helps shake off what we might be worried about. You can change your state by simply calling or texting a friend, watching an inspirational Youtube video, or reading a book, listening to music or a podcast Basically, re-directing your body and your mind away from what it is fixated on.
A walk is one of the most nourishing and simple activities you can engage in to reduce stress and change your state of mind. Being out and about (especially if the sun is out) reminds you of the beauty in the world, of seeing and hearing children play, the variety of dogs and owners you pass by, the friends in conversation as they walk past you, different storefronts, the beauty of the blue skies and the green grass and spring flowers beginning to bloom. And, being out in the fresh air is refreshing and your body loves to walk, it is so good for your blood circulation and getting oxygen to your body and mind. It really is a natural high.
If your life is so busy that walking is out of the question, see if you can squeeze it in before work, at lunch or after work, (especially with daylight savings time). The return in value will be worth it!
Taking a walk helps you change your state, nudging you to remember all of the positives in life and relieves you from tunnel vision which can easily hijack your entire Being, especially in times with this amount of stress. It always works for me, and I suspect it will work for you, too.
To Your Health and Well-Being,
Gail
