Our life is the result of the choices we make. We choose our state of being, attitude and frame of reference. If we hold others accountable for our life then we have to wait for them to change before we can change our life. (Nathaniel Branden)
When we are closed to ideas, what we hear is criticism. When we are open to criticism, what we get is advice. (Together is Better by Simon Sinek).
Do you value advice? Or do you only feel criticized when someone who cares about you gives you advice, keeping in mind their intention is often to support you? I know I have been closed-minded and resistant to unsolicited advice. And, I also know that the advice, whether wanted or not, got me thinking and I either realize that the advice was spot on (even though I didn’t like it) or it did not fit for me and I categorized it as not true for me. Therefore I stay my chosen course. Or, the advice rummages around in me and I take it and begin to make some changes.
Many times when a friend, family, partner, or co-worker gives you their opinion or advice, it can be about changing you into who they want you to be, to satisfy them, but it doesn’t fit for you. Being an open learner means listening to advice (unwanted or not) and then thoughtfully considering if this advice really is in your best interests (not theirs).
Many cultures (not typically white Western US peeps) respect and value parents’ and grandparents’ guidance and advice and even who their parents choose for them to marry. This is something most Westerners reject as they strive for independence and search for autonomy, distancing themselves from their parents. However, many non-Western friends I have, often value and respect their parents’ advice while raising children, in their marriages, financial life, and health and well being.
Is it possible that those with more life experiences, longer lives and having lived through many decades may, in fact, have valuable advice to give? Many cultures think so! Is it possible that friends or co-workers who have gotten married, had babies, struggled with health problems, been through divorces, addiction or financial struggles may, in fact, have some good advice to share?
Maybe those who care about us the most, who have our best interests in mind: our family and friends and many of our co-workers have in fact some good advice that will improve our lives and help us on your own path. Maybe if we didn’t meet their advice with a shield to defend ourselves, but instead remained open to feedback (solicited or unsolicited) we could indeed learn something of value.
Again When we are closed to ideas, what we hear is criticism. When we are open to criticism, what we get is advice. (Together is Better by Simon Sinek).
Are you open?
Are you open? When a store or restaurant is open, it obviously means that you can come in and satisfy your need to shop or dine and often you are served. The door is open, all you do is walk-in. When a store or restaurant is closed you can not gain entry, you do not get your wants and needs met, you are not served and you may even feel stuck, as you really wanted what was in that business. How does this apply to your life?
Are you an open learner? An open book? Open to feedback? Open to new opportunities and risks? Open to failure? Open to imperfection? Open to new relationships, experiences, ideas, concepts, and beliefs?
When you live as an open learner as opposed to a closed learner, you will receive so much more of what life has to give. Closed learners are not open to anyone’s suggestions (maybe only a select few who agree with their ideas and beliefs), no one can tell them anything as they already know it all and have a resulting fixed mindset. They are not explorers, they are often righteous, closed-minded and critical to any other beliefs but their own.
That is the path of living without risk, and only through risk can we learn and grow. Otherwise, we stay put and limit our possibilities and potential to challenge our beliefs and opinions in order to expand. When we allow expansion, we get “bigger” and more well informed. We embrace diversity, our differences, and each other’s individual challenges and paths. We often gain more empathy and sympathy. Living open-minded with an open mindset is about letting life walk in, teach you some lessons and assist you in a life of growth, curiosity and opportunity.
Living close-minded, with a closed mindset, is shutting out anything and everything that you do not believe for yourself and living with an “I know” attitude instead of “I don’t know, but I am curious and want to know even more.”
Observe if you are open today? What new thought, belief, concept. or subject (such as nature, science, history, social issues, climate change, nutrition, politics, novels, non-fiction reads, documentaries would be interesting to explore that you hadn’t before?) What new people could you meet at work today or in your life? I know that I have shut myself down to my own closed mindset around many unfamiliar topics and I, also, know when I allow myself to be open, more gets in and I gain so much more! I have more connection, life looks more interesting and I am stimulated and I grow!
I teach what I most need to learn.
Warmly,
Gail
Practice 4: UNPLUG! Store those devices away from you, turn the TV or radio off. Listen to the quiet, listen for birds, dogs barking, cars going by, people talking. Take a good look at your surroundings and appreciate all that you can as you take in your environment. Let your senses have a break from texting, social media, the news, your favorite show. Just unplug even if it’s 15 or 20 minutes a day (the longer the better!).
My Buddhist friend attended a 10-day silent retreat. Now get this, she did not talk to anyone, including a roommate she was with, no phone, no computer, no electronics at all. AND, no books, no reading, no writing. Simply BEING. There was group meditating, breathing, sleeping, breathing, being present, breathing, being in the moment. She reported it was the most miraculous experience! Her dreams were more vivid, her mind settled and calm, she felt transformed and filled with love.
Unplug every day for at least 20 minutes if not more and see how your life is when you focus somewhere other than your devices. The people in your life you spend time with, your spouse and kids and friends will also love this!
Here we all are again! Alive, hopefully well, and reading this post in the New Year of 2020. New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday as I love that there are no presents to buy or big meals to prepare and it is a time of reflection about the past and projection about the future. I love making resolutions, taking time to see where I want to focus and improve my life. Of course, I may start out with good intentions and commitment but then abandon ship and go back to old habits. However, I love re-focusing and stepping up in my life to live with more personal integrity, being true to myself, taking a moral inventory and making the changes needed for a more fulfilling life.
I have been fortunate, blessed, lucky to have the life I have. Good health, a great marriage and family, so many friends and have had the means to experience a multitude of good times. The life I lead has been a combination of luck and making good choices and working hard and that I was born privileged (something I had no control over, I always find it interesting that people get all haughty that they were born white in the US as if there was something so special about them, instead of acknowledging the complete random circumstance of their birth). I recognize daily that I am one of the few on the planet having the great life I do. I am saddened by the fires in Australia, angry about what our country started with Iran which resulted in the tragic result of the civilian plane crash, I am worried about global warming and its impact on every living entity on the planet. My heart goes out to anyone struggling with cancer and poor health problems, and with the grief of losing people and pets we love. There is so much to be sad and angry about in this world. And, there is so much to be grateful for and so much beauty and love and goodness in the world. It is truly a cluster fuck of all that is bad mixed with all that is good. I don’t think human or animal life has been anything but this–joy and suffering combined.
As I look back on the good and fortunate life I have got to live for 64 years I am profoundly grateful. As, I look forward to the years ahead I realize suffering is always knocking at the door, so I open the window today to the joy, the blessings and all that is good at this moment in my life. I am well aware that everything changes, and that nothing is permanent. This moment as I write this is a joyful moment. I am savoring it.
I am grateful for you, readers, and I wish you open windows that bring love, good fortune and blessings into your life in 2020!
Join me and other women who love to grow, and who value honest, open and insightful conversations regarding our lives. Where are you now, where do you want to go from here and how are you currently navigating? Learn new concepts to apply to your life and gain clarity on who you aspire to be, to keep growing and to take a look at what is next for you in your life.
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