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Aug 30, 2019
Women feel their partners and kids expect them to manage everything most of the time. Not only can they manage the daily domestic “to-dos”, along with 
no job, part-time or full-time jobs, they also are expected to plan menus, shop for groceries, plan vacations, pack everyone’s bags, manage all the details of every holiday or birthday party or just about any event. There is a notion that women can infinitely expand-that their capacity to handle and cope with every situation and experience is expected and often expected without outside help; whether from their family, friends or even hiring professionals such as a house cleaner or caterer for an event one is hosting.
The exhaustion women can feel when they are asked to keep expanding their capacity to give is real and the fall out is resentment. Resentment of those they love the most. No, you can not infinitely expand. No, a woman can not carry what is expected of her without fatigue and burn out. Women have a finite amount of energy and time in any given 24 hour period.
Women what can you do? Say no more often, set boundaries, make a plan for “me time, to fill your cup”, ask for help, ask for help ask for help. Too many times a woman won’t do that as she doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone. But, asking for what you want does increase your chances of getting it by 200%.
You are finite. The answer is no you can not infinitely expand. Accept this without shame, guilt or the dose of should’s that invade your self-talk. Time to occupy your finite self without guilt or shame. And, kiss yourself on the forehead for all you do.
Aug 14, 2019
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let out true selves be seen.” Brene Brown
“Authenticity requires a certain measure of vulnerability, transparency, and integrity.” Janet Louise Stephenson
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Aug 10, 2019
As a counselor, I have had the privilege of listening to my clients searching for their authentic Self. Typically, their relationships define them, the roles they play in those relationships: partner, wife, husband, friend, parent, child, work life, and so on. But, searching for the authentic Self plays out in every one of those relationships. Questions one might ask as they search for their authentic Self is: “I wonder what I should do? What do they want from me? Am I being selfish? How do I even know what I want? I don’t like my body, I don’t like my bad habits, I want to change.” All of this is a search for your authentic Self. Who you are apart and yet connected to others in one’s life is a lifetime journey. Discovery of your true Self starts with paying attention to your beliefs and values, how you arrived at them, and if you still believe them. The next step is how you behave, do you behave aligned with your beliefs and values? Or do you need to change your behavior or your beliefs? More on search for Self in my next posts.
Jul 20, 2019
When you say yes to someone or something, you automatically say no to something else in your life. Be careful to look at the automatic no when you agree to do something. For example,.if you say yes to being on a committee, volunteering, taking a class or simply doing someone a favor, all of which are worthwhile situations to say yes to, you automatically say no to being home more and possibly relaxing, binging you favorite Netflix, reading a good book, exercising, hanging with friends or famiy, having flexibility on that day (as you now have something scheduled). Before saying yes to anything, take a good look at the automatic “no’s” that come with it. Make sure it is really a yes that works in your best interests.
Jul 2, 2019
What is this no victims only volunteers business? Living an empowered life, whereby you move out of a victim position into one of influence and meaning, involves volunteering to see your situation with a different lens. This is not easy, searching for another viewpoint or perspective in which to find the silver lining in situations when you feel grief, anger, disappointment or frustration. Especially when there is so much circumstantial evidence that someone or something is to blame outside of yourself. That you, in fact, didn’t ask for this, that you were simply an innocent bystander who was wronged.
Of course, you can feel this way, of course, you can not live a life without hundreds, maybe thousands of challenging experiences or, perhaps, just one devastating experience that almost destroys you. To live is to experience many suffering situations. However, what if your power came from the creation of a more meaningful (to you) viewpoint? What if you could say, “I am grateful that the biggest problem I am waking up to today is my coffee pot that didn’t work right, especially when there are so many other people who are waking up wondering how they are going to eat to sustain their life?” What if those five loads of laundry sitting on your bed waiting to be folded were reminders that the people you love the most were alive and well? And, what if when tragedy strikes, you search for something positive, something that challenges you to see that there was good in that situation, that there was love and support and an inner strength you did not know you could draw from?
What if your suffering was a wake-up call, that others you know have faced similar or worse situations and you did not reach out to them, you did not fully empathize or sympathize and so now you have become a more caring and loving person? And, when the tough times come, and you are too scared to leave your home or are frozen with anxiety or fear, what if you chose to rise above the situation, and look for resources to heal, to actively pursue support, care and help? What if you were committed to finding joy again, to see the beauty in life, even with your broken heart and spirit? That determination is moving from victim to volunteer, it is the willingness to have personal power in all your life situations so you come from ownership and accountability and a sense of being at the steering wheel of your life and not losing yourSelf in blame, anger and resentment.
More on this with the next Waking Wise…
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Jun 24, 2019
About 9 months ago I decided to try “Sober October” as I knew I had made alcohol too big of a habit in my life. I am health conscious with the food I eat, but somehow, alcohol always got a free pass. I often didn’t want to consider the harmful effects nor did I want to count the calories when I was on a weight loss streak (which is a daily challenge). I committed to Sober October and signed up for The Sober School’s 6-week class called “Getting Unstuck” on Facebook. I liked Kate Bee’s attitude about drinking and I did not consider myself anywhere near a candidate for AA. I just wanted to take a break. Much to my surprise,,. 9 months later I have been alcohol-free. This is a personal spiritual journey: being conscious in every moment of my life, of handling stress head-on, of celebrating the fun in life socially and emotionally without raising a glass of champagne or sharing a bottle of wine with friends. It is sitting on the patio on a sunny evening with a sparkling glass of Pellegrino, being awake and aware and feeling optimally healthy. The belief system around being alcohol-free is that life will be less fun, that we will always long for a drink, but I found this to be the opposite for me. Life is better without alcohol, in more ways than I will write about now. If you are curious about trying the path of giving alcohol a break, you can message me on FB at https://www.facebook.com/gailmanahanauthor or email at [email protected]. I am happy to support you if you are “sober curious.” Cheers!
