![And here is to life in 2020!]()
Jan 11, 2020
Here we all are again! Alive, hopefully well, and reading this post in the New Year of 2020. New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday as I love that there are no presents to buy or big meals to prepare and it is a time of reflection about the past and projection about the future. I love making resolutions, taking time to see where I want to focus and improve my life. Of course, I may start out with good intentions and commitment but then abandon ship and go back to old habits. However, I love re-focusing and stepping up in my life to live with more personal integrity, being true to myself, taking a moral inventory and making the changes needed for a more fulfilling life.
I have been fortunate, blessed, lucky to have the life I have. Good health, a great marriage and family, so many friends and have had the means to experience a multitude of good times. The life I lead has been a combination of luck and making good choices and working hard and that I was born privileged (something I had no control over, I always find it interesting that people get all haughty that they were born white in the US as if there was something so special about them, instead of acknowledging the complete random circumstance of their birth). I recognize daily that I am one of the few on the planet having the great life I do. I am saddened by the fires in Australia, angry about what our country started with Iran which resulted in the tragic result of the civilian plane crash, I am worried about global warming and its impact on every living entity on the planet. My heart goes out to anyone struggling with cancer and poor health problems, and with the grief of losing people and pets we love. There is so much to be sad and angry about in this world. And, there is so much to be grateful for and so much beauty and love and goodness in the world. It is truly a cluster fuck of all that is bad mixed with all that is good. I don’t think human or animal life has been anything but this–joy and suffering combined.
As I look back on the good and fortunate life I have got to live for 64 years I am profoundly grateful. As, I look forward to the years ahead I realize suffering is always knocking at the door, so I open the window today to the joy, the blessings and all that is good at this moment in my life. I am well aware that everything changes, and that nothing is permanent. This moment as I write this is a joyful moment. I am savoring it.
I am grateful for you, readers, and I wish you open windows that bring love, good fortune and blessings into your life in 2020!
![And here is to life in 2020!]()
Dec 14, 2019
Join me and other women who love to grow, and who value honest, open and insightful conversations regarding our lives. Where are you now, where do you want to go from here and how are you currently navigating? Learn new concepts to apply to your life and gain clarity on who you aspire to be, to keep growing and to take a look at what is next for you in your life.
April 4th and 5th in Surprise, AZ Bask in some warmth and sun!
Stay tuned for more details. Email me at [email protected] if interested!
![And here is to life in 2020!]()
Nov 1, 2019
Many of us are programmed from early childhood to achieve and to succeed. How many times do we ask children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Just ask any Senior in high school how many times they are asked, “What are you going to do after high school? Did you choose a career?” We are programmed to achieve and often pressured to excel to have a competitive edge over everyone else. This type of social conditioning can manifest into perfectionist thinking. Perfectionist thinking results in setting personal goals that often cannot be achieved all the time. And, what do we think of ourselves when we don’t achieve our goals? We think less of ourselves, we feel shame, maybe embarrassment and we can feel guilty. Our self-esteem can plummet and our self-talk can beat us up. For women especially, think of your relationship with the bathroom scales as a prime example of struggling to achieve perfection.
A far healthier option is to strive for progress, not perfection. Progress can be measured with a mindset that witnesses success AND falling short. Progress says to oneself; I am working on my health, I wm working on improving my career path by going to school, learning new skills, asking for a promotion. having a great work ethic, etc. Progress says; I am a work in progress, I will never reach perfection, as no one can or does. But, every day that I wake up I can progress in being a better person, spouse, parent, friend, or employee. I may end up taking a few steps back, however, I have made progress.
Another example of this is the mindset of recovery–people count the days of sobriety but then beat themselves up when they relapse. They even go so far as saying this has wiped out all those days living alcohol/drug-free. This is perfection in action. Progress is celebrating every day you were living a sober life and then acknowledging you took some steps backward from your goal of clean living. Progress is motion, learning, regrouping and getting back on the horse.
Personally, I strive to eat a meatless diet. My goal is to fight the incredible inhumane and cruel industry of raising animals for food by not using my consumer dollars for eating animal products as food. I, also, believe it is healthier for my body to focus on plants first and to avoid consuming any meat or poultry, eggs, and dairy. I have a very strong belief and commitment to that goal. And, there are times I find myself choosing meat or dairy, I choose those with my eyes wide open. I make the choice even when it goes against my primary belief system. Does this negate all the days I was meat-free? Does it make me a fraud? Maybe from a perfectionist perspective, it does. But, from a progress perspective, I am succeeding 90% of the time when i make a non-animal food choice. That is progress. That is not perfection.
Take a look at the areas in your life that you strive for perfection. Wouldn’t it serve you to instead strive for progress? To embrace and celebrate every moment your choices line up with your goals instead of focusing on the times you don’t reach the mark you set? No one is perfect, you know this, isn’t it time you change your thinking and, perhaps, even the expectations you put onto others? Love to hear how this applies to you!
Oct 11, 2019
“There is only one law in the Universe that never changes-that all things change, and that all things are impermanent.”**
I have been navigating my own impermanence, as my life in the last few weeks has been teaching me this one often joyful and often tragic lesson. Life is a series of ups and downs, nothing stays the same, we change, our circumstances change. We are challenged to embrace these changes, accept the reality of the ebb and flow and find peace and relief no matter our circumstances. In the past few weeks, I have been with one of my best girlfriends as she buried her mother after a long bout of caring for her mom. I received news of a family friend whose husband, a young father of 3 children (under 4 years old), took his own life, so unexpectedly, leaving so many unanswered questions, unbearable pain and struggle for those who love him. And, I am now coping with the illness of my 90-year-old father, his struggle to beat his illness to live a few more years, and his desire to go now, as coping with his illness wears him down. My parent’s marriage of over 60 years and my mom’s devotion to my dad demonstrates love and compassion in real-time. Sometimes life just sucks, especially when we all realize that we are impermanent, as are our current circumstances.
But, joy is, also, included with impermanence. Think of all the times you are relieved when something you are coping with changes for the better? Perhaps, it is a rocky relationship that works out beautifully or your sick child who recovers back to their normal self. Or your financial stresses are resolved because you got the call that offered you the job you wanted. Perhaps, that test you took at the doctor’s office showed that all is well.
Changes to our current situation, this one today as you are reading this will change. The one thing we can lean on through all of this impermanence is compassion. It always shows up from those who surround you with love and care during your toughest times and how you show up for those you love during their toughest times. We are here for each other. I wish you love as you navigate the impermanence of your life.
**The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, Sogyal Rinpoche
Aug 15, 2019
To continue the lifetime journey of being true to yourself, and living your life lined up with your beliefs and values, there is another internal regulating system inside of you that can assist you to stay on your authentic path. This system is your “enlarging or diminishing sense of Self.and the energy you feel as this is taking place in your interactions. For example, you plan to meet a friend you haven’t seen for a while, however, when you are with them you notice you start to feel inferior. Your own sense of confidence and self-esteem feels diminished. It isn’t always in your face obvious and, in fact, it can sneak up on you either during or after you leave your friend. Or the opposite can occur, your energy level soars and your self-esteem and confidence and your sense of self improves and enlarges when you are with them.
This can happen in your intimate relationships, friendships, your familial relationships, and with acquaintances. Some times our closest relationships can impact us by a feeling of being ashamed, inferior or controlled.
Pay attention to your energy level, your self-esteem and confidence when hanging with the people in your life. If you feel less confidence, diminished self-esteem or any other negative feeling, maybe it’s time to address this issue with them. It may be time to break your ties to them or set some boundaries. And, conversely, if you feel empowered, loved, listen to, supported it may be time to let them know that you appreciate their loyalty, their support and unconditional love.
“Of each critical juncture of choice, one may usefully ask: “Does this path enlarge or diminish me?” Usually, we know the answer to that question. We know it intuitively, instinctively, in the gut. Choosing the path that enlarges is always going to mean choosing the path of individuation. The gods want us to grow up, to step up to that high calling that each soul carries as its destiny. Choosing the path that enlarges rather than diminishes will serve us well in navigating through our idol-ridden, clamourous, but sterile time and move us further toward meeting the person we were meant to be. (Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life, James Hollis.)
Aug 14, 2019
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let out true selves be seen.” Brene Brown
“Authenticity requires a certain measure of vulnerability, transparency, and integrity.” Janet Louise Stephenson
