Living your life without anger and resentment starts with recognizing your choice in the matter. As women, we are relationship focused, meaning we often like to do things for others, whether that is for our family members, friends or co-workers. We do a lot of “shoulds” as it is expected of us to give, to be there for others and to be other focused. Shoulds can mean feeling obligated, that this is something you have to do (to be a good girl, mom, wife, friend, etc.) And, when we do things we are expected to do, there can be a backlash of resentment which may look like this;
“I do not know why I agreed I would be in charge of the food for our office party, I have no time and I will get stuck with the bill as half my co-workers will forget to pay me back.”
“Why is it I am the one who does all the grocery shopping and keeps this home clean?”
“Why did I tell John and Carol they could stay with us next weekend, I am swamped at work and have no time to get ready for them?”
In these situations, you said Yes to something you did not have 100% buy into. You said yes because you are good at organizing and no one else in the office can do it as well, You said yes to grocery shopping and keeping your home clean because that is “just what women do” and no one else in the home will do it, you said yes to your friends coming for the weekend because you didn’t want to tell them no as it might hurt their feelings and you had invited them to come stay with you sometime.
But, every yes is an automatic no to something else in your life. No, to your own free time or your time to relax, doing something that serves you instead of others. These “shoulds” and yes’s can backlash into resentment (which is aged anger). But, when you learn to make a choice based on what is true for you, for what you want to do, not meeting others expectations then you are at choice point. And, when you live your life at choice, you have buy-in, enthusiasm, more energy and zero resentment. When you learn to stop doing all those shoulds, you gain mastery over your own life, you steer your life in the direction you want to go and the result is a happier, honest and more refreshed you!
