Aug 29, 2020
I have been enjoying taking the month off from my regular activities related to my work; in my desperate attempt to fully enjoy the last month of summer before COVID pushes me back inside without the beautiful walks and time spent outdoors. It has been a month of conversations with my family, friends and my women clients. And, of course, with any conversation with women, there are similar themes that always come up in their lives.
The Shoulds are always at the top of the list. As natural caretakers, nurturers, planners, home supervisors and connectors, women can feel burdened making sure just about everyone they care about receives their support and love. And giving all that love and care can be exhausting and can feel like a burden as their role is to give and give and give, sometimes thanklessly and often on demand.
Just in the last month this is what women have been up to that I personally know:
- Nursing a husband 24/7 from a surgery.
- Making weekly trips to care for an elderly father who lives alone.
- Planning grocery lists and packing for the entire family in order to go camping, vacationing, or a weekend getaway.
- Preparing classrooms to go back to school and adjusting to virtual teaching as well as preparing their own children to be at home with them.
- Taking care of grandchildren so their parents can get a break.
- Leaving an unhealthy and destructive relationship which results in heartbreak since that was NOT the way it was supposed to go, but having the courage to move on and begin again,
- Women wrestling with the fear that they will not find the love of their life while their biological time clock is ticking away.
- A woman running off to spontaneously marry the love of her life.
- Moms having their adult children tell them you ruined my life while you were raising me or some form of this (this has happened to two good friends, whom I personally know were FABULOUS parents, so this has broken their hearts).
- Women catering more to their husband’s needs now that they have both retired.
- A mother stressed that their single parent daughter who takes care of her special needs child needs their support both emotionally and financially,
- A mom (ok, this is me) working on thousands of pictures taken over the last 45 years that needed to be organized and sorted and put on the cloud to share with her family (a legacy project and who else would do this)?
- Women running their own businesses that are often steps away from failing due to COVID,
- Women following through on often nasty treatments to live longer lives to fight their cancer so they can still be here to care for their kids.
- Women attending to sick spouses who had COVID.
- Women raising young kids 24/7 with little relief since COVID keeps most near home without the typical outlets.
Of course, there are endless situations women are coping with, loving and supporting their families, often being undervalued or even blatantly disrespected from the ones they love the most. However, the women I know look to see where they have created this, where they can place blame on themselves to see if they need to change. The women I know reach out to their girlfriends or professionals for support, and they keep hanging in there, they don’t leave, they don’t stop doing and caring and doing and caring, no matter the weight of their responsibilities, the demands put on them, their own sadness and disappointment when others have walked away or disappointed them. The women I know have endless courage, strength and perspective that keeps them front and center with all the people they care about and care for.
Women are my most favorite people on the planet. They literally keep the world going and if they can move into more influential roles with more power attached, I am quite confident that our world would be a much better place to live in. No doubt about it. I honor all of you and I see you, I respect all you do, and I love who you are.
Gail
Jul 16, 2020
Choose an animal that best fits how you go about your life in a typical day. An animal that represents your attitude, energy, motivation and your “doingness.”
Why is it you are like this animal? What characteristics do you share? Do you spend your time like a tiger fiercely tackling the day? Are you more like a bunny, nibbling on your favorite morsels, resting and at times running off? Are you like a mouse or chipmunk darting here and there, with high energy and sometimes feeling like you are distracted by so many things? What animal represents you?
Now here is the fun part: Choose the opposite animal. If you tackle the day like a tiger, what if you instead were more like a deer? If you scurry around like a mouse, what if instead you were like a sloth? How would adopting more of these characteristics benefit you when creating balance in your life?
Jul 9, 2020
My heart has been especially heavy in the past couple of weeks, as one of my daughters is struggling with the unraveling of a relationship that has left her heartbroken, unsure and skeptical of her future. Falling in love and planning a life together is one of the most fulfilling journeys two people create and plan together. The pictures of this new life became ingrained in her mind, all the new possibilities, and the launching of living happily ever after. Not to mention the deep connection and love felt for the person she has chosen to spend her life with.
When one person in the relationship shifts to another dream or plan, or the couple is under unusual stress and there are fights and struggles to gain ground or to stay closely connected on top of conflict and disappointment the relationship can unravel. As can the dream. the living happily ever after.
As a parent, you know that you love your kids more than your self. You would rather be the one in pain than watch them go through their pain, tears, fear of the future, fear that they will never find love again. If your child has gone through a divorce which also negatively impacts their children, your pain multiplies. As parents, we grieve all the pain our children go through, from a friend being mean to them in their elementary years to their pain as adults facing life’s uncertainties and subsequent hardships and pain.
There is no way out of this for parents. It is a life long journey of celebration for our children’s successes, new beginnings, accomplishments, and who they are as people. And, the flip side is the hurt and pain when our children are hurting and navigating the rough spots, the losses, and the heartbreaks.
If you are a parent you know this journey very well. You feel it in every inch of your mind, body and soul. I know that I am feeling this as I write to you. My daughter is hurting deeply and I hurt deeply for her. My pain is not as intense as hers. my pain is not first hand, suffering myself from the breakup. It is her pain, her facing the downs in life that is currently her reality. However, it is a shared pain, it is like when a glass spills and the liquid touches many surfaces as it spreads. .And because of our deep love for our kids, we will be part of the cleanup. We will do everything in our power to be sure their cup is filled again as our children set out again to fulfill their dreams of happily ever after.
Jul 1, 2020
Because we don’t feel worthy. Because we’re focused on pleasing others instead of ourselves. Because we want to be loved. Because we’re trying to win at someone else’s reward system. Because we’re told not to get too big for our britches. Because we’re operating on the premise that what other people think actually matters to our well being.
Because it feels vulnerable to feel good, and we start to fear that is won’t last. Because positive feelings such as joy, happiness, bliss abundance and more, are very very powerful. And that kind of energy current can shake up our emotional structures–joy can blow your mind. Positive emotions can also be threatening to the people around us who’d prefer miserable company.
JOY DOES NOT FIT INTO THE STATUS QUO. (Quoted from The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul by Danielle Laporte)
I am enjoying learning from just about every word on the page in this book “The Desire Map” by Danielle LaPorte. I highly recommend this read for inspiration in your personal and work life!
Jun 29, 2020
Buddhist wisdom says: There are no Good People or Bad People there are only Skilled and Unskilled. Think about this in your own experiences. What makes someone a bad driver or a good driver? A good cook or a not so good cook? A good surgeon or a bad surgeon? An effective parent or an ineffective parent? What makes a good marriage or a bad marriage? A good mechanic or a bad mechanic? Good customer service or bad customer service?
Being good at anything in life has to do with our skillsets, what we have learned, what we know, and what we successfully apply. If there is one consistent complaint I hear when working with my clients (and what personally negatively affects my relationship) is a lack of good communication in their relationships. When my husband and I have a disconnect in our communication we can bicker and argue and both of us can be left frustrated and misunderstood.
When we use the skills we have learned from self-growth classes, retreats, workshops, and seminars we have participated in, we then connect better, communicate better, and feel better about ourselves and our relationship.
You were not born with skillsets for swimming, driving a car, baking a cake or communicating effectively. You have learned to swim and not drown by taking classes or having someone teach you to stay afloat. You took classes or had someone teach you to drive a car so you safely stayed on the road. You didn’t just walk into your kitchen and pull out a bunch of random ingredients to bake a cake, you followed a recipe that someone else put together so the chemistry would create a delicious cake. And, those of you who are functioning at a high level in your marriages, family, friends, and co-workers’ relationships have learned effective skills that someone taught you whether through classes, seminars, workshops, books, magazines or via good role modeling.
My entire life’s work is teaching people how to live a better life. My expertise, my playbook, my skill set IS teaching people emotional, social and personal effectiveness intelligence. I invite you to join me this July to learn more skills resulting in more love, happiness, joy and success in YOUR life. Check out my upcoming online mini-course starting in just a few days! https://tinyurl.com/yarwcxhu
I guarantee that what you learn will be invaluable and improve every relationship in your life!
See you on the Zoom July 7th! enroll here https://tinyurl.com/yarwcxhu
