Oct 21, 2020
It has been a while since I have been in touch with you! I needed some time to recoop and refill which is what I recommend repeatedly to the women I work with. Women are givers and it is important for your evolution with your own soul growth to step back and check-in to see if you are on the course you wish to be on.
I am personally giving a lot of thought to living a retired lifestyle in the sunshine of AZ, moving from my home state, (which sadly will be away from my family and friends) to start a new chapter in my life with my husband without work tying us to a schedule. Knowing my own self, I will not stop working, as my work brings me joy and fills a part of me that no one or anything else can fill. Though I do foresee much more playtime than work time.
Every one of us is in some sort of transition and/or is feeling stagnant or stuck. I think especially with COVID, feeling stagnant and stuck can often run the show, especially for the extroverts and for those of us who crave contact with our friends and family. It will be a long winter, especially for those of us in colder climates who don’t have more of the freedom to meet friends and family outdoors.
How are you planning to cope with the oncoming winter with the virus still running so much of our social and business lives? What strategies will you put in place to create, to inspire and to guide you? Depression and anxiety are running rampant in the world, as we are all getting more fatigued with the lifestyle change from the pandemic. How will you support yourself and others?
Waking Wise is living consciously and deliberately, with intentions and goals which can help define your journey and result in more joy and satisfaction. Use your creative self during this time. Want to learn a new language? Want to take some classes? Join groups on zoom? Start a group? This is a great time to grow by adding some new interests. I have personally taken on cooking, as I am not much of a cook, so I have been having some fun learning new recipes and trying them out on my family (I know, poor them)!
I am also offering a master class for women who want to stay in touch with their own feelings and thoughts and who want to grow during this winter season. Who want to PLAN to grow, to make it a part of their intention for the months ahead. If interested here is the link to check this out, love to have you!: https://mailchi.mp/gailmanahan/high-functioning-woman
Life is always changing, nothing is permanent. Within your own evolution, learning to listen to the deepest parts of yourself and re-choosing who you currently are, what you are interested in now and what new possibilities would you want to explore? All of this means taking a risk and stretching outside of what is comfortable. However, that is where learning and growth reside. How will you create joy, passion and excitement during these fall and winter seasons?
Love to hear from you!
Kindly,
Gail
Aug 29, 2020
I have been enjoying taking the month off from my regular activities related to my work; in my desperate attempt to fully enjoy the last month of summer before COVID pushes me back inside without the beautiful walks and time spent outdoors. It has been a month of conversations with my family, friends and my women clients. And, of course, with any conversation with women, there are similar themes that always come up in their lives.
The Shoulds are always at the top of the list. As natural caretakers, nurturers, planners, home supervisors and connectors, women can feel burdened making sure just about everyone they care about receives their support and love. And giving all that love and care can be exhausting and can feel like a burden as their role is to give and give and give, sometimes thanklessly and often on demand.
Just in the last month this is what women have been up to that I personally know:
- Nursing a husband 24/7 from a surgery.
- Making weekly trips to care for an elderly father who lives alone.
- Planning grocery lists and packing for the entire family in order to go camping, vacationing, or a weekend getaway.
- Preparing classrooms to go back to school and adjusting to virtual teaching as well as preparing their own children to be at home with them.
- Taking care of grandchildren so their parents can get a break.
- Leaving an unhealthy and destructive relationship which results in heartbreak since that was NOT the way it was supposed to go, but having the courage to move on and begin again,
- Women wrestling with the fear that they will not find the love of their life while their biological time clock is ticking away.
- A woman running off to spontaneously marry the love of her life.
- Moms having their adult children tell them you ruined my life while you were raising me or some form of this (this has happened to two good friends, whom I personally know were FABULOUS parents, so this has broken their hearts).
- Women catering more to their husband’s needs now that they have both retired.
- A mother stressed that their single parent daughter who takes care of her special needs child needs their support both emotionally and financially,
- A mom (ok, this is me) working on thousands of pictures taken over the last 45 years that needed to be organized and sorted and put on the cloud to share with her family (a legacy project and who else would do this)?
- Women running their own businesses that are often steps away from failing due to COVID,
- Women following through on often nasty treatments to live longer lives to fight their cancer so they can still be here to care for their kids.
- Women attending to sick spouses who had COVID.
- Women raising young kids 24/7 with little relief since COVID keeps most near home without the typical outlets.
Of course, there are endless situations women are coping with, loving and supporting their families, often being undervalued or even blatantly disrespected from the ones they love the most. However, the women I know look to see where they have created this, where they can place blame on themselves to see if they need to change. The women I know reach out to their girlfriends or professionals for support, and they keep hanging in there, they don’t leave, they don’t stop doing and caring and doing and caring, no matter the weight of their responsibilities, the demands put on them, their own sadness and disappointment when others have walked away or disappointed them. The women I know have endless courage, strength and perspective that keeps them front and center with all the people they care about and care for.
Women are my most favorite people on the planet. They literally keep the world going and if they can move into more influential roles with more power attached, I am quite confident that our world would be a much better place to live in. No doubt about it. I honor all of you and I see you, I respect all you do, and I love who you are.
Gail
Jul 16, 2020
Choose an animal that best fits how you go about your life in a typical day. An animal that represents your attitude, energy, motivation and your “doingness.”
Why is it you are like this animal? What characteristics do you share? Do you spend your time like a tiger fiercely tackling the day? Are you more like a bunny, nibbling on your favorite morsels, resting and at times running off? Are you like a mouse or chipmunk darting here and there, with high energy and sometimes feeling like you are distracted by so many things? What animal represents you?
Now here is the fun part: Choose the opposite animal. If you tackle the day like a tiger, what if you instead were more like a deer? If you scurry around like a mouse, what if instead you were like a sloth? How would adopting more of these characteristics benefit you when creating balance in your life?
Jun 16, 2020
I received the book Untamed, by Glennon Doyle in the mail and I have no idea who sent me this beautiful gift. (If you did please let me know so I can say THANK YOU, this is such a beautiful book). Every page is yummy! I wanted to share this brilliant nugget with you below as this is something I teach and believe strongly in when working with women.
I’ve seen what happens out in the world and inside our relationships when women stay numb, obedient, quiet and small. Selfless women make for an efficient society but not a beautiful, true or just one. When women lose themselves, this world loses its way. We do not need more selfless women. What we need right now is more women who have detoxed themselves so completely from the world’s expectations that they are full of nothing but themselves. What we need are women who are full of themselves. A woman who is full of herself knows and trusts herself enough to say and do what must be done. She lets the rest burn. (Glennon Doyle, Untamed)
Where did all your beliefs about who you are, what you can achieve and the roles you are supposed to play in life come from? EVERYWHERE! Your parents, childhood, advertising, friends, co-workers, social media to name a few. When you show up every day expressing who you are, what matters to you, what brings you joy, you are then living a life of integrity and contribution. And, creating that space in your life immediately creates space for others to do the same. It’s a win-win.
Stay tuned for my newest class: High Functioning Relationships: the Five Absolutely Essential Steps to Even More Connection, Fun and Happiness! 5 one hour classes via zoom beginning July 7th. (email me at [email protected] for more info and to enroll)!
May 28, 2020
When the shelter in place order began, I felt called to offer an online support group for women as it was something, I could contribute during this scary time for so many of us. And now 9 weeks later I have “paused” the group as my summer schedule is changing and it was time. Here is what I learned:
Once again women show up when it comes to sharing what is truly going on with them. Trust was built in this group within the first meeting. When the women signed up for the group, they had no idea who would be in the group. They risked their comfort zone, and when they risked going outside of their comfort zone, they stepped into the area of learning. And, what these women learned was that kindred spirits were present, that every one of the women contributed their own strength, wisdom, vulnerability and courage to the group.
I love working with women of all ages and journeys. I learn from every one of them every time. My own heart and spirit fill up as they so beautifully share the truth about their lives. Some of these women live alone having lost their spouses, some are fully engaged in raising children, some are teachers not only teaching online at home but raising their own kids. Some struggle with heartache from conflict with their children, some are struggling with ill health, all are missing their previous lifestyles before the virus and wondering about the future. And, of course, there are the usual more frivolous conversations such as the need for hair appointments, mani-pedis and the increased consumption of food and alcohol. These women, from across the age groups, with similar and very different life journeys all show up, contribute and strengthen each other.
There wasn’t one person in that group who shared something I could not relate to. Every person, everything they shared was relatable and valuable. And, yet every one of those women questioned if what they said was rambling, or took up too much time, or wasn’t the right thing to share, or maybe they could have shared it better. Women and low self-esteem. Women who doubt their wisdom and their value. It is an epidemic. I experience these women so differently than how they see themselves. I see their beauty, their generous hearts, their vast competence and their tremendous strength.
Isn’t it time you gave up your self-doubt, your clinging to an image of yourself as not good enough, or less than, or that somehow you are never going to get this right? Isn’t it time that you realize that being who you are right now is enough and just by being here now, you positively impact your friends and family and contribute to what is good in the world? Consider not wasting another precious moment of your life doubting your value. Instead, reach out today and see how you can empower those around you to see the beauty and goodness in themselves. It is a win-win.
If you are interested in being a part of the next groups (limited 7 per group) please email me at [email protected]
May 18, 2020
I have had the honor and privilege of being a part of thousands of personal conversations from my profession as a counselor and from my friends and family. The stories my clients have shared with me regarding the painful challenges in their lives not only often results in tears and sadness as I empathize with their situations, it, also, results in my witnessing the courageous manner in which so many of them cope with their grief and hard times. We are all experiencing our own grief at this time with the pandemic. We all know that some are much more impacted due to the death of their loved ones, their own struggle with surviving the virus, the loss of income, food insecurity, the piling of bills and debt and the collective concern and downright fear of what the future holds.
While we all have the content of our lives, of our situations, the content stays mostly the same. We have our people, our homes, our material possessions, our pets, our devices, our social media, etc. This is all a part of our content. Often, the weight of our circumstances, the content of our lives is so heavy we can barely breathe. Some content is light and can be dismissed as a first world problem or shallow and frivolous. We typically wake up in our same bed day after day. and live our lives with our routines and norms. Content can change, of course, but it is often static.
However, our power lies in the context. How we hold the content. The frame we put on our content. Now more than ever, with the COVID, focusing on the frame is where we will lift ourselves up, find that silver lining, create a more positive and meaningful point of view.
I am so impressed with my friends, family, and clients who have done just that. Instead, of blaming, being resentful, wallowing in self-pity or becoming frozen with fear and anxiety, they frame this time in their life in a meaningful way. Some see it as an opportunity to re-organize the way they do business, some find that mother nature is in charge and this is actually good for our planet, some count their blessings that they or their loved ones are not sick, some are committed to their civic duty of doing all they can do to keep others safe and some, especially the introverts, love the excuse to stay home even more! You, as well, are having conversations about the virus and its impact with your friends, family, and others and comments on your social media. There is a stark difference between those who put a positive frame on this challenging event happening in all of our lives, and those who blame it on the government, politics, the conspiracy theories, other countries, the unfairness of it all, etc. etc.
And, all of this is no different than what I have witnessed, with the many conversations with so many people in pain having nothing to do with the virus. Those who frame their circumstantial grief with a positive meaningful frame and those who see themselves only as victims, that life singled them out to deliberately destroy them, the why is this happening to me victim thinking? I know four of the kindest, brightest, hard-working, compassionate women right now who are my friends, all dealing daily with surviving cancer. Every one of these women, speaks from a positive hopeful place. Do they have their moments of fear, the why me? who shed a lot of tears and deal with fear and anxiety?? Yes, of course. But, they know they have the power of their own minds to frame their situation in a way they can find peace and love and acceptance for what is so in their lives.
It isn’t that we don’t all go into a victim mindset when we are dealing with bad news. We all go there to some extent at times. But, all of us, every one of us has the freedom and the choice to see it differently, to re-frame the content where we feel more resolved, more empowered and more loving towards ourselves and other people and to find acceptance with the reality of our life. Not the dream of how we want it to be. But, how it is.
How are you coping? I would love to hear from you!
Gail
